good memory

mechanical efficiency is largely wasteful.
the motion of your extremities is the healthiest quality.

If you make something yourself, your quality of life improves. Use your hands to make food. eat it. consume what has emerged, carry a gun and eat the bullets, carry a gun and your eating bullets, garglin’ bullets. a factory making giant slabs of broth or the lover making broth cubes in the kitchen, tell me, Who can feed more? Share your pain in the molten sex organism living downstairs under the floor boards only a few inches below the soles sometimes rising back into the stomache your sore clay mixed with his-sore-her-sore clay mixed and slightly festering like soft bugs, consume what has emerged, cuz it wont last long before a new thought comes along, red altar red red red alert red alert red alert different red voice red alert red alert enterprise red alert at work red altert in the car red alert inspection red alert inspredection alert good night red alert life is not merely a red dream alert data red alert daddy red alert read alert lights off red alert (Ok, birthyday cake… I absolutely dispise it, why waste such good frosting?). Use your hands to adore something – if it is in your hands, it is yours, you possess it as much as anyone could poses anything, even putting small things in your blood is the same, focus your entire being on the texture of a rock you find in the toy box amongst funny money and a book with a picture of a dog on the cover.

Skull Cancer.

Your head

changing dimensions

Possessing the rock

in side of the rock

From the past kicked

it along the side of the road with a play buddy kicked it all the way home and then i saw me pick it up and bring it inside, thought it was a good memory, the rock, or just a nice dirty brown rock, anyway I kept it in this toy box and its still there today.

census

Super sonic quagmire abundances of greenlit paper, church in the attic, paper, church, in the attic, church attic, still better than the standard florescent room, abundance of greenlit papers, stacked white boxes, sparkling light shining through ersatz furniture, blocks of tinted plate glass, whats the word greenlit paper whats the name for it, shades of purple sun, whats the word for it

Stainglass, fake.

Why decorate a school like a church? Teacher meetings in fabricated steeple, no-fire fireplace, fold out chairs, fill in the blanks of light blocks of light, fill in the blanks of light with all upper case capital letters so the machine can read it, get a new one if you contaminate this one, your name, window of sun, green, in the little white boxes, digits of your number, no slash through the Øs, unpunctuated.

This guy isn’t very funny. I can make up funny things about him – but he’s not funny sitting askew under the arc, the arc separating two fake rooms in the fake attic church, the high school kids didn’t know their building even had a 6^th floor, a church in the attic where federal employees sit and receive training on how to get personal information from people The Federal Bureau of Information is it? Investigation? I’m pretty sure I work for the Information office, but the finger printing pallet had FBI written on it in small bluelit letters… tho I could have this all wrong – write your name in the sparkling boxes of light all upper case, no serif on the J, but serifs on the I, like in me, Ian, that’s how I write it, right now I am writing my name Ian with serifs, now put that bottomdown in your folder. And take your time getting home, you’ll get paid for travel.

canada

GPS routing past junk yards, wind energy, in another car you could feel the wind, more snow in piles, even though it’s been warm outside. Eating at the Hilltop Café soon. Don’t be abstract, you have time for that later.

Transgressions into effortlessness, there’s the swans dippin their heads in the water, having to love your disease before you can love other people, yourself is another, vast equations based on contingencies and exceptions, ;yielding pockets of ?question, rolling tongue in song, made up little half melodies breaking into jibber jabber, not cloudy all day, breaking into home home on the range something something into a’s and e’s I’s and us and sometimes whys, speaking bastard english, radio suddenly on, surfing static, rim shot pop standards, visions of unlivable future, wearing sunglasses at night, visions of visions, hypermontage, death country radio, radio songs with no discernable instruments, chorus heavily washed, separated fidelities mashed back together to appear cacophonous, paper beats, the 666^th mile town, Drink Water, Saskatchewan, let’s toast to the future, a down-the-road where everyone has become too individualistic, then we won’t agree on what’s real and what's not and therefore nothing is, colors, meanings of words, all different so they float in the psyche like turquoise rock flour floating in the glacial river, turquoise currents winding through snow capped mountains in Banff the onamonapoetic vacation spot, hedgers hegemony, fake windows painted on the sides of foreclosed buildings, here comes the train hauling scrapes of metal and wire, cable, probably some car parts in there thinking of Dan’s fastbook that I should have read now he’s gone, I’ll never see him again or anyone, they’re all gone, disappeared into the Plains or somewhere in South America, gone bye-bye (I’ve found a way to journal without falling back on the play-by-play doldrums of a crappy diary he-called-she-called) railroad tie piles along canada HW39 on the way to North Dakota, except Doug, he’s gone, ironic, he’s not gone, he’s the gone who stayed stayed even closer than I, and yet he’s still far away in a way I never thought my friends would be, so Reisha says my life will change big in the next year or two, my judgmental part leave some part of me behind, just like daddy packing up in the morning before everyone wakes up and leaving, but if I really think about it I don’t think this will happen because im going to be a rock star or at least im finally giving it a real try and that means more bars and parties. Drink Water.

Take it lightly

Take it lightly, on the tip of the tongue gradually tracking wheels on rolling cement, odd time signatures replete squandered upset frequently discarding small plastic boxes, white elephants, which patch are the Christmas trees? Greater than before, 18 wheeler, more space to move in to fill up to expand to contain, closed through opening.

I try to get into people where they are closed and scared and open them up. Self doubt, conceit, fear, what if, gone I don’t want to see you limit, anything day book, right in a book everyday in someone elses book many places at once so its impossible to ever reconcile, compile, synthesize, that way a synthesis is not scary, just an ideal and writing becomes a practice like running, were you always warm up before a jaunt, jot, jingle, joint – living spilt lives and only telling the Earth people the good things about your getaway, there’s always scandal at vacation spots, affairs, robberies, rape, love at first sight re re rerererererererereunrequited.

Usually I’m afraid I won’t remember everything. I could loose something good, or I could make something better, edit, plan out, logicize… but fuck it, loose everything, remember nothing.

Eat to write create forget

Install artifacts everywhere both false and true

Mystify history

Last long care, eternal acceptance of loss, How you wrote when you were 23, 31, dead

How you gripped the pen, thinking how the word “the” came from a dead person some friend of a friend.

Vegetarian by 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon

Eat
sleep

Lie

Down

Bow before Before, something to forget (forgotten)